Been super stressed out the past few weeks with barely any time to think. Just studying, working, classes, etc. This is probably the hardest semester I've ever had, and I'm getting used to it. I think that this is just a tough major (for me) and I'm going to have to work really hard.

After coming through midterms, I got a 90 on my forestry midterm, and a B on the lecture part, and on the physics test today I wasn't totally lost and know I had to have done better on this test. I'm really getting sick of my classes but going to take a small step back in the next few days just to spend some time with other people and not be thinking about class constantly. I've barely hung out with Louie and we live together.

So I get to be a normal human again for a few more days. I think I have about 44 more days until this semester is over.

We got into identifying some new trees based on twigs and branches today. It really wasn't that bad.

Working on homework, but I keep thinking about this:
Apparently with our crappy state budget there is some higher education bill, and if it gets signed it will seriously cut funding to MSU and the college and agriculture and natural resources (my college). So my major may not be there later or something. I don't know. Here is an article that talks to the dean of the college.

I'm freaking out a little. It would suck to not be able to finish this degree. But I talked with Louie when I got home and we have a plan. We are getting out of this town and possibly out of the state. Go somewhere else and try to do school.

But... I really do like MSU and the education I'm getting. I really hope this doesn't happen!

Watched through the first hour or so of What the bleep do we know? tonight. I kind of liked it. It was suggested to me by someone helping me with physics. It definitely talks about physics (especially quantum) but it also talks about psychology, specifically the brain, emotions, addiction, etc. Kind of weird but I like it. I only stopped it because I need to study. Hopefully will be able to finish it up later on this week. I barely watch anything anymore. Tempted to see a movie but I never feel like I have the time and haven't gone since July.

Tonight is the one night of the week I get to sleep in. I try to make it last because my sleep sucks for the next few days.

Anyone else see that? What did you think?

I think I finally started getting physics! I know it doesn't sound that exciting but it is. It's not like math where you're told this is how you do this type of problem... it's more like here are some formulas, and now you need to figure out how it fits into this problem and what you need to solve for. I think this means that I should be able to get a decent grade in the class with some more work. I guess it's good that I'm being challenged this way, but I'm not going to miss working this much on one class.

So basically if I go slow and look at all the parts of the problem and see what's there and what I need.. I can figure it out.

I followed a lot of advice I got, whether it be from family or professional people. I was told not to go to graduate school because I wouldn't get in, and then later I was told I shouldn't go back to school for this because science was never my strong thing and I'm much better at English and Journalism.

In summer of 2007 I decided that I really wanted to pursue a degree related to the environment and animals and I've felt good about it ever since. Maybe it's not the easiest thing for me but I think for once I am finally following my intuition. After that, I felt really sure that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I still feel that way. So I don't know what my other degree was about, but I've always had such a fascination with nature. It's nice to finally be able to immerse myself in it.

Long story short since I have to go: following other people's advice is not always the best idea. Do what you want to do.

I think I'm just going to keep plugging away at this current crazy schedule until I find a lab job on campus or even lab volunteer stuff related to my field. I need the money I'm getting and every place has stuff about it that is going to suck.

Last night at work my coworker was tired and writing down the dates for the paperwork we do and she accidentally wrote down 11/21- my birthday. How weird is that? I hadn't been talking about it or anything and she doesn't know..

Studying trees tonight and we have 26 to learn this week, it's a bit of a pain in the ass. I just spent an hour and a half on it, going to stop for awhile then go back and try to learn all the latin names/spelling.

Got a lot going on this weekend but at least I have sunday night off. I'm going to go to some swamp by my grandma's house and see what kind of stuff I can find there.

Have a test Saturday and one on Monday, yuck.

It's easier to find people now and see what they are up to. Which I kind of don't like. I like that when people drift away, it's for a reason and they're out of your life for awhile until they come back (if they are supposed to). But facebook has brought me many connections to people I really don't care about anymore. Not like I hate them, I just don't think they're supposed to be around me now for whatever reason.

Maybe I'm just thinking of this because someone I haven't talked to in years just added me on fb the other day. We were good friends when I was a totally different person, and it feels super weird having him come back. We haven't really talked yet but I don't know if I want to. Sometimes it's better to not think of that connection to crappier times.

Someone who has seen me in some crazier times. Does he think I'm still like that?

I guess I shouldn't worry because I did watch him get arrested, and he had some random child he didn't know about that we were laughing about one night. So the stuff I did around him pales in comparison? I'm guessing some of you know who I am talking about here (Jessica you should know).

He was kind of a bad influence on me though, and super shady.

I am definitely starting to lose weight from the I don't have time to buy food or cook diet. I am not eating much lately and we don't have a lot of food. I've only been home for maybe 40 minutes today without having anything to do. I have work very soon. 14 credits is too much!

I think physics is not going to be something that comes easy to me, but I have faith I can get it. It's not like math, it's more complicated than that. Actually it's probably a lot like trig, but I've never taken that so I don't know. I just did some problem for the hw that involved doing tan^-1. I've never done that shit before, and it took me a long time to realize I had to change the mode of my calculator. I have no idea why trig is not a pre req for this class, I feel like I'd be doing a lot better if it was.

School is going okay. I had my first Monday classes today, which means I stay up until about noon and feel like a huge weirdo. I think I was nodding off during the first class and I'm pretty sure the teacher clapped or did something loud and I jerked up. I felt like a total jackass, I don't want to be the asshole that sleeps during class. I've never slept during class, come pretty close a few times.

I slept until 5 pm and then got right to work on homework. I think I've spent close to 3 hours working on stuff tonight, makes up for my weekend of being drunk/hungover. I have a good feeling about this semester.

A printer! I haven't had one for years but have been getting really fed up lately with having to go to MSU to print out all the notes and stuff they want you to print for each class. I went out last night to try and get one but wasn't happy with what I was finding. I got one online this morning. The funny thing is I was real tired when I got it (I was laying in bed on my ipod) and barely remember buying it. I just know it's a samsung and it's a very small and very quiet laser printer. I seem to like having very small electronics. Let's hope it works!

I just hope it works out good with both of the computers we have here (Mac and a HP).

My weeks of a lot of work are over! I got training done for work and now I go back to 24 hours a week and class starts soon. I feel very optimistic about stuff, got student loan money and 3/4 of my credit cards will be completely paid off soon. The last is at 0% interest until next June. With a plan I should be able to put away money for next summer and pay off that card. Next summer I hope I'm at an internship and if I get paid that would be great, but I'm going to prepare to not get paid too.

I'm really looking forward to my classes. I like trees a lot and can't wait to learn more about them. I hope that my work schedule and class schedule this fall work out better and that I can sleep good and study good and do well in my classes.

I really think moving here has helped a lot. I was starting to feel really helpless at the old place, with the noise and never being able to open windows. It's nice that this building is so quiet, the main door shuts quietly and I never hear people out in the halls fighting or talking. It's a good feeling to know that I may not have a lot of money but I don't have to live in a shithole. It's just a better quality place and I'm very lucky that it's almost $100 a month cheaper.

I keep thinking about travel too. It's always in the back of my mind. Ever since I went to Australia (maybe before) I've just wanted to see the world. I really like Michigan but I want to visit so many countries and I was thinking maybe learning spanish or something would be helpful. I'm feeling very restless here not being able to take trips or do much. I really want to go to Antarctica and I think I may try to apply for the one December 2010 or 2011. I keep going back to it. I know it's expensive but I think I'd rather do that than have a wedding that costs too much or a new car. I just want to travel. Maybe that's crazy.

My mom (and her twin) have a birthday today. I hope it's great!

Very frustrated, only gotten about 4-5 hours of sleep each day this week. This shit is ridiculous. I've barely had any caffeine and totally avoided coffee/soda. I was feeling crappy for the first part of the week and had a constant headache/loss of appetite and really tired. I feel better now but still am not sleeping good! I don't get it. I came home today, put up a blanket over my blinds to make them darker and still woke up at 8:20 (like 20 minutes after I fell asleep) and then again at 12:30. Lame. I really hope I can sleep tomorrow this is driving me crazy. Doesn't help that I am working the next 2 nights so I don't get the option of sleeping at night either.

I know I'm stressed out about school starting soon but I just gotta chill out. It's definitely going to be hard but I can do it.

Also I've been reading Under the Banner of Heaven which talks about fundamental mormons and it is creeping me out. I guess I knew about polygamy but didn't really think about it but holy shit. I know it's a religious thing but it's incredibly abusive to women and girls and makes me sick just thinking about it. I'll keep reading to see what else I find out. It's interesting to say the least.

I'm really liking the new place. We have no tv now and this happened at the last place and I got frustrated and we ended up paying for the cheapest cable plan within a month. I really like the idea of not watching tv though, and I think I may be closer to my "utopia" as Louie jokingly refers to it.

If I lived alone, I'd probably just have a small tv in my closet or off to the side somewhere where I could just watch dvds. I just don't really care about tv and sometimes I feel like I waste too much time just laying around watching whatever crap is on. I don't think it's bad for people to watch tv I just don't really have interest in it. I think if things go as we want, we'll get some internet and Louie will get the xbox returned from being repaired and we'll just get netflix on that. We can just watch stuff online if we want or not at all. It's been almost 2 weeks now and besides a few dvds we've barely watched anything. I've read a ton which has been really nice. I've cooked more food and cleaned up more, and just felt like I've been more productive in general.

Also I love the wildlife here and the people are very polite. It's weird. As for wildlife, I've seen a lot of birds here. They are all common species but ones that I don't necessarily see a lot. Also deer, chipmunk and red squirrels. I rarely see red squirrels so it's nice to see them here. Prior to moving here, saw my first live one at my grandma's house. So that is exciting, and I'm also thinking about migration and I definitely want to try and see what comes through once the fall comes.

I have procured a tent and sleeping bags and I think we're going to go camping soon. Sometime before mid-September. I haven't been camping in years and can't wait. I'd really like to make it to some spots in the u.p. this year but that probably won't happen.

Still using someone else's internet and it is super slow. It seems to take longer to load lj too.

I went to thrift stores today and ended up with lots of cool things. Not a ton, but some books by authors I enjoy (Bill Bryson and Stephen King), a unicorn glass and duck glass, and best of all a dinosaur lamp. It's not all childish looking either, it's just a dark colored dinosaur and says triceratops on the base. It was $5 and I don't know who would get rid of it. Also small. I was looking for a dresser but everything was pricey, even used stuff was $60 or more. My parents have the twin to the dresser I have now at their house, except the drawers aren't broken. Maybe they'll bring it here or I can put it in my car. I like how the place is set up now, feel like we have everything we need or will soon.

I have a newfound interest in wine, ever since I had some oceana county wine from this place in New Era. I never liked wine that much but I was suprised by how much I liked it. Too bad you can't buy it outside of oceana county.

I got some R.E.M. records today at the local record store since I am trying to get most of their early albums on vinyl. Some are really hard to find, but I've managed to get a few. Anyway, today I got Eponymous, Chronic Town and Dead Letter Office for $13. It was all they had besides the newest one. I just looked on amazon and Chronic Town is going for like $66. Mine does have writing on it, because the people wrote their names in big marker on the covers, but it's still nice to find a copy. It was never released on cd, only tape and vinyl that I know of, and I had the tape a long time ago but used the cover art to make my R.E.M. pencil cup. I've been a big fan of theirs since I was 14 and it was one of the first bands I was really into. I still like them a lot, and I can't say the same for many of the other bands I used to like. I have a record player and hopefully I can get it hooked up and listen to some records soon. Stuff sounds nicer on vinyl sometimes.

I probably have more to say but I'll post this while the net is still working. Also, check this out:
http://lansing.craigslist.org/fuo/1311162400.html

Last night here. We headed out at 9:45 pm to take some more crap to the new place and see the upstairs neighbor puking in the parking lot. It was really gross, I can't take hearing puke it makes me nauseous. So he pukes all over the place, then they get in their crappy car and go to the club. Awesome. When we got back I made Louie park next to my car so they can't come back and hit my car/puke on it. Classy! Maybe I can even drink them under the table, and I really don't drink much anymore.

Once we're in a better place, I'm sure I'll look back and laugh. For now, I'm totally burned out of living in downtown and want out.

We finally move tomorrow! Well I get the keys and we move over the weekend. I can't wait, it's been getting super loud here at night with people outside yelling at all hours and makes me very uneasy. I've been running around for a few hours trying to get a tag to put on some desk so we can legally get rid of it. They need to see proof of low income so we get the tag free and I had to drive all over trying to find a place to print my pay stub. The public library doesn't have adobe reader on their computers and it can't be installed, so I went to MSU and was worried about getting a parking ticket but found a meter with 15 minutes already on it. I was so frustrated I was tempted to buy a printer, especially when I had to wait for some stinky asshat check his myspace at the library.

I still have to actually go to the place and get the tag, I got lost trying to find it once.

I have one more month until school and we probably won't have internet for awhile at the new place.

While I was out doing the volunteer work today, I accidentally stepped really close to a beehive on the ground. I was lucky I didn't step all the way in, but I got stung like 6 or 7 times. I am not allergic and I didn't freak out or anything, just walked away slowly until most of them got off me and then killed a couple. They were yellowjackets and the stings felt like needles going into my legs, it really hurt. I can see how people can be really allergic to it, I instantly felt it all swell up and get gross. Luckily the person I was with had some sting wipes with them and it helped a lot. This was my 4th day doing this, and the guy I was with had been doing it every summer for the past 3 years and never ran into bees. Yet I'm the one who finds it. I swear I am a magnet for this stuff! I had this crazy feeling afterward like the feeling you get after a tattoo or piercing. I was mostly glad I didn't get stung more and freaked out how quickly it happened.

Things seem to be looking up. I just called about the new apartment and they said it will definitely be ready on July 31 so that means we can move August 1 and have a week to clean up the old place. We have to pay rent for 2 places for a week but I have the money stuff all figured out and I think we'll be okay. It doesn't hurt that we'll get a deposit back and I get some gas money for the volunteer work I am doing too (a pretty good amount too, it will be way more than what I spent on gas). It is nice to not have to borrow money to move.

We've gone on next to no money this month but pretty soon it will be better. We got a lot of packing done and hopefully moving won't be stressful. I've moved a lot in my life and my method of moving is not exactly organized. I didn't start using boxes until my last move, and before that I would just fill shopping bags with crap, no organization at all to it. I'd lose stuff for a few weeks or end up breaking stuff, and last move I left my only winter coat at the house (and never got it back). When a place has to be completely emptied I have high hopes that I won't forget anything. I just like moving quickly.

When we moved here it was a long hot day with just the two of us moving all the shit in. It took forever and some of the stuff was ridiculously heavy. This time we have 1 helper.

It's also funny because Louie hasn't seen the place at all. I looked at places and decided I liked that place the best and he is yet to see it. Hope he doesn't hate it!