Louie showed me this song, I like it.

Me talking to Gordon just now:
G: "talking about the miracle of life and how great having kids is"
Me: "yeah it's great if it's not your dumb ass having them"

I wasn't talking about Gordon having kids, just about how stupid people in general are quick to have kids.

Had a nice time at my parent's house, now back home and getting ready for another workweek. It was good to see my family and friends. We were very busy, and we went to 4 different holiday gatherings and I left with an overall feeling of being very grateful for what I have. Things change a lot, and my family is living all over the country, I have nieces and a nephew which changes things, but things are still pretty much the same too. I'm lucky that I'm able to live on my own and pay my bills, even if it means that I have to work really hard to do this and go to school. I'm lucky that I have such a great partner. I'm glad to be making it through school.

I feel like I don't really have time to think though. I wanted to get all this stuff done over break and read and stuff, and haven't gotten very far. Hopefully soon! I have a few people I need to get in touch with as well and some friends coming to visit me this week. Time goes by way too fast when you're not in school.

Hope the few people that still read this had a good holiday. I'm looking forward to doing absolutely nothing for new year's. We are low on money and I'm sick of traveling.

For me there is not a lot of method involved. I have a lot of people to buy for, but this year I chose to add a few more people (friend's parents, a client at work for secret santa) so I just made sure to budget money aside the past few months. I didn't want to just get people stuff off their wishlists, that seems kind of boring and what I've done in the past. Mostly I just think about what they like and then came up with ideas of where to go and what to get. When I finally had time, I took a few hours and got most of it done. I found stuff a few weeks ago that I thought would be cool for my sisters so I got it. I try to not spend a lot and to avoid just buying people crap that isn't going to last long. Or I buy them some kind of food item that they will enjoy (like good coffee or wine).

I usually don't get much of anything for Louie, it's just how it happens but that's ok. This year I did get him something small (which I will never tell!) and it was fine.

I'm excited to get out of here tomorrow, a nice break in the routine and I get to see people I hardly ever see. Plus Louie is coming too.

My semester is done! Technically I still have 1 final on Friday but it's basically done. The worst stuff is over. I don't know what my final grades will be and I'm not going to worry because I did my best with working and taking superhard (for me) classes.

Louie and I have been doing really good the past few months, he's been great with me being really busy and gives me space and doesn't get upset when I can't spend a lot of time with him. I know eventually we will have more time and it will be nice. Sometimes you may get distracted and think someone else could be more interesting but always I've realized that they're just not. No one is more suited to me than Louie.

I was thinking about getting a cat (still am) but I have a hard time committing to pets. I love animals and I would like to have one, but at the same time I wouldn't want something to chew up/shred my stuff. I wouldn't want any random peeing or pooping, would not want any animal waking me up during my weird sleep schedules. Plus I will most likely be gone next summer doing some kind of internship.. so that would leave it on Louie. I don't know. Plus the whole money thing, we don't seem to have enough and very soon my hours at work will be cut.

Sometimes it's kind of scary not having a lot of stability, especially as I get older and feel more like settling down- sometimes it'd be nice to have a house but I don't know where. It'd be nice to have a newer car that would be more reliable. I don't know where we will end up but I hope I get to do what I want.

Yes!

I took some call bank type job when I was first living in Holt with Gordon. I had a hard time finding any job so I took that. We went through a few days of training, and then I started the actual job and I had to sit there with a headset on while the dialer thing called people, one after another. I had to call people that hadn't donated to pbs or something like that in over a year. So obviously these people didn't give a shit, and seriously no one wants to give you money when you call and bug them. So I finally got someone to give me money... then the manager guy listening in was telling me that I didn't "ask the right way" so he didn't know if it would count. Such bullshit!

As soon as the first break came, I gathered up all my stuff and just left. Gordon wasn't happy with me but a few months later I found a job in the field I'm in now. I don't regret it at all, shitty job and I don't like supervisors breathing down your neck. Probably why I like working nights. Plus it's a funny story.

All this studying for my forestry lecture exam in the morning is making me really want to visit/stay in the pacific northwest. It's where all the biggest trees in the world are, because of the unique rainy environment and milder weather it has. I think it would be pretty cool. I've been to California a few times, but only saw some redwoods once and now that I know more about biology and such it would be more interesting to see. It's crazy how old some of the trees get. I think trees are definitely my favorite type of plant... like I really don't care about flowers or wetland plants or whatever.

I'm so glad the semester is almost done! The next few days until Tuesday are going to be pretty bad, but after that it will all be done. I have a test tomorrow morning and then my final physics class, then need to spend the whole day working on chemistry, getting the homework and quiz stuff done, going to a review session, then getting up super early and going to take my last 2 chemistry tests. Then I should probably study Saturday and nap, since I have to work Sat and Sunday night. Have a big physics review on Sunday that should be 3-4 hours, and I also gotta focus on wetlands stuff too. I have those 2 tests on Tuesday, then my last final is Friday.

I took the outdoor forestry exam for identifying trees and it was super cold. But it was way colder today so I guess that's good. I got 4 wrong out of 20, but that's about how I did on the last one outside. I have 30 more indoor to id next week, and it will probably be a lot of twigs and stuff without leaves. I think I'll be okay though, and I think I can probably ace the indoor part again. It's hard to do but not nearly as bad as identifying skulls.

So 5 more days of crap and 8 days until I am completely done!

I should be getting ready for this chemistry test but I was caught up looking at possible internships for next summer. I'm excited! They all sound really cool but some of the ones I'm definitely going to apply for are:

One at the grand canyon, where I would live there all summer and do work with either the trees there or invasive species.. there are different internships but they all sound cool.

Something with dolphins in Namibia (I don't even know where that is haha)

One in Alaska which would involve doing surveys of harbor seals.

So basically I'd get to live somewhere else all summer, do something fun and get some money (usually very little since it's an internship but I'd get a place to stay). I may not apply to all of these and I will definitely apply for more but we'll see what happens. Just about all of them would be fun.

Except for one which involved living in a very isolated part of Alaska doing bear control, carrying a gun and living out of a tent. I think that's a little too hardcore for me :)

Edit: Namibia is in South Africa. How much would it cost to get to South Africa? I don't know if I want to consider that one still.

This came out like a year or so ago but I'm just now starting to listen to it.

Man I love Ben Folds, such a good piano player and so many songs that I can relate to. Here is one I really like lately




Apparently this was real popular but I think I was in Australia when it was out. I missed a lot of stuff when I was there.

Been super stressed out the past few weeks with barely any time to think. Just studying, working, classes, etc. This is probably the hardest semester I've ever had, and I'm getting used to it. I think that this is just a tough major (for me) and I'm going to have to work really hard.

After coming through midterms, I got a 90 on my forestry midterm, and a B on the lecture part, and on the physics test today I wasn't totally lost and know I had to have done better on this test. I'm really getting sick of my classes but going to take a small step back in the next few days just to spend some time with other people and not be thinking about class constantly. I've barely hung out with Louie and we live together.

So I get to be a normal human again for a few more days. I think I have about 44 more days until this semester is over.

We got into identifying some new trees based on twigs and branches today. It really wasn't that bad.

Working on homework, but I keep thinking about this:
Apparently with our crappy state budget there is some higher education bill, and if it gets signed it will seriously cut funding to MSU and the college and agriculture and natural resources (my college). So my major may not be there later or something. I don't know. Here is an article that talks to the dean of the college.

I'm freaking out a little. It would suck to not be able to finish this degree. But I talked with Louie when I got home and we have a plan. We are getting out of this town and possibly out of the state. Go somewhere else and try to do school.

But... I really do like MSU and the education I'm getting. I really hope this doesn't happen!

Watched through the first hour or so of What the bleep do we know? tonight. I kind of liked it. It was suggested to me by someone helping me with physics. It definitely talks about physics (especially quantum) but it also talks about psychology, specifically the brain, emotions, addiction, etc. Kind of weird but I like it. I only stopped it because I need to study. Hopefully will be able to finish it up later on this week. I barely watch anything anymore. Tempted to see a movie but I never feel like I have the time and haven't gone since July.

Tonight is the one night of the week I get to sleep in. I try to make it last because my sleep sucks for the next few days.

Anyone else see that? What did you think?

I think I finally started getting physics! I know it doesn't sound that exciting but it is. It's not like math where you're told this is how you do this type of problem... it's more like here are some formulas, and now you need to figure out how it fits into this problem and what you need to solve for. I think this means that I should be able to get a decent grade in the class with some more work. I guess it's good that I'm being challenged this way, but I'm not going to miss working this much on one class.

So basically if I go slow and look at all the parts of the problem and see what's there and what I need.. I can figure it out.

I followed a lot of advice I got, whether it be from family or professional people. I was told not to go to graduate school because I wouldn't get in, and then later I was told I shouldn't go back to school for this because science was never my strong thing and I'm much better at English and Journalism.

In summer of 2007 I decided that I really wanted to pursue a degree related to the environment and animals and I've felt good about it ever since. Maybe it's not the easiest thing for me but I think for once I am finally following my intuition. After that, I felt really sure that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I still feel that way. So I don't know what my other degree was about, but I've always had such a fascination with nature. It's nice to finally be able to immerse myself in it.

Long story short since I have to go: following other people's advice is not always the best idea. Do what you want to do.

I think I'm just going to keep plugging away at this current crazy schedule until I find a lab job on campus or even lab volunteer stuff related to my field. I need the money I'm getting and every place has stuff about it that is going to suck.

Last night at work my coworker was tired and writing down the dates for the paperwork we do and she accidentally wrote down 11/21- my birthday. How weird is that? I hadn't been talking about it or anything and she doesn't know..

Studying trees tonight and we have 26 to learn this week, it's a bit of a pain in the ass. I just spent an hour and a half on it, going to stop for awhile then go back and try to learn all the latin names/spelling.

Got a lot going on this weekend but at least I have sunday night off. I'm going to go to some swamp by my grandma's house and see what kind of stuff I can find there.

Have a test Saturday and one on Monday, yuck.

It's easier to find people now and see what they are up to. Which I kind of don't like. I like that when people drift away, it's for a reason and they're out of your life for awhile until they come back (if they are supposed to). But facebook has brought me many connections to people I really don't care about anymore. Not like I hate them, I just don't think they're supposed to be around me now for whatever reason.

Maybe I'm just thinking of this because someone I haven't talked to in years just added me on fb the other day. We were good friends when I was a totally different person, and it feels super weird having him come back. We haven't really talked yet but I don't know if I want to. Sometimes it's better to not think of that connection to crappier times.

Someone who has seen me in some crazier times. Does he think I'm still like that?

I guess I shouldn't worry because I did watch him get arrested, and he had some random child he didn't know about that we were laughing about one night. So the stuff I did around him pales in comparison? I'm guessing some of you know who I am talking about here (Jessica you should know).

He was kind of a bad influence on me though, and super shady.

I am definitely starting to lose weight from the I don't have time to buy food or cook diet. I am not eating much lately and we don't have a lot of food. I've only been home for maybe 40 minutes today without having anything to do. I have work very soon. 14 credits is too much!

I think physics is not going to be something that comes easy to me, but I have faith I can get it. It's not like math, it's more complicated than that. Actually it's probably a lot like trig, but I've never taken that so I don't know. I just did some problem for the hw that involved doing tan^-1. I've never done that shit before, and it took me a long time to realize I had to change the mode of my calculator. I have no idea why trig is not a pre req for this class, I feel like I'd be doing a lot better if it was.

School is going okay. I had my first Monday classes today, which means I stay up until about noon and feel like a huge weirdo. I think I was nodding off during the first class and I'm pretty sure the teacher clapped or did something loud and I jerked up. I felt like a total jackass, I don't want to be the asshole that sleeps during class. I've never slept during class, come pretty close a few times.

I slept until 5 pm and then got right to work on homework. I think I've spent close to 3 hours working on stuff tonight, makes up for my weekend of being drunk/hungover. I have a good feeling about this semester.

A printer! I haven't had one for years but have been getting really fed up lately with having to go to MSU to print out all the notes and stuff they want you to print for each class. I went out last night to try and get one but wasn't happy with what I was finding. I got one online this morning. The funny thing is I was real tired when I got it (I was laying in bed on my ipod) and barely remember buying it. I just know it's a samsung and it's a very small and very quiet laser printer. I seem to like having very small electronics. Let's hope it works!

I just hope it works out good with both of the computers we have here (Mac and a HP).